Thank you everyone for your feedback!! I knew you would be able to offer me some great advice and I really appreciate the time you took to respond! :-) I am going to “nix” the jump start and the “Alli” and instead stick with my original plan.
As always … I’ll keep you “posted!” 
Hello to ALL my new friends in the BuddySlim world,
I am looking for some advice this morning and I figured YOU would be the best to come to for great feedback! (How’s that for a good butter up to begin?) ha 
I am really finding myself in need of a ‘jump start.’
In the long run, I plan on keeping a detailed journal, planning my meals ahead, eating a healthier number of calories daily, moving a little more, etc., etc., yada yada … (because I do really believe the BEST way to lose weight and keep it off is to begin something that I can continue long after my weight loss goal has been achieved. Afterall, do I really plan on drinking shakes and/or eating pre-packaged meals for the rest of my life? I think not.)
However, having said all that, I am considering doing the following as a sort of “jump start” and would like to know if you think this would be wise OR if you think it best to bypass the jumpstart and start right off with the real food, etc. Here’s what I’m thinkin’ :
I am thinking about using Medifast shakes [that I already have] for the next three days and then, after being on those for 3 days, adding the Alli pill (another thing I already have … seriously people - you could shop for all your diet needs right from my cupboards! lol) … anyway - I digress. As I was saying, after being on the shakes for about 3 days I would add Alli. I am thinking about doing this for the next 2-3 weeks. Hopefully by that time I will see a drop in the numbers on my scale.
From that point on then, I would go to back to my original plan of eating healthier and moving more and follow this until I reach my final goal weight. What do you think? I’m open to any/all feedback.
HAPPY MONDAY FELLOW BUDDIES!
Wow people! Sorry my last post was soooo lengthy!! I had a couple “aha” moments in the “wee hours” of the morning writing though. I hadn’t realized it had been so many years that I’ve been on the weight loss roller coaster. That’s one amusement ride I’m ready to get off! :-)
This morning (well, technically ‘later’ this morning) … I feel good. I am writing down what I’m eating in a food journal binder and planning ahead rather than heading into the kitchen to graze.
Hope everyone is enjoying a RELAXING Sunday! It helps just to know there are others out there on this same journey … strength in numbers, ya know?
As always - I’ll keep you posted ….
I’m wide awake … can’t sleep. I decided instead of laying in bed telling myself I should be sleeping … I’d get up and hope to grow tired.
I skimmed a post just a while ago … someone had written about diet pills. I was in a hurry to read more than one post so I didn’t read it line by line but what I read made so much sense.
This battle is so very personal. However, when a person feels they are “winning” the battle they are quick to offer advice ~ albeit unsolicited. They are quick to tell others what they have found to be “the answer” ~ and quick to rant on those things that, in their personal opinion, do not work.
We all feel like we’ve “mastered this weight loss battle once and for all” at one time in our lives or another. Few of us can claim this is our first go-round in the diet ring ~ at least few of us in our 40’s can make this claim. (Okay, at least “I” cannot make this claim.) But I also know that I have given advice to other’s when I feel like I have it all figured out. It’s usually with the best of intentions but that doesn’t make it right and certainly doesn’t make it help.
Experience and time … those are the best teacher’s and we all have to learn what works for us through our own experience and with the passage of time. Weight loss is more of a “Montesorri” kind of learning process ~ you have to figure it out at your own pace … it’s definitely not a “one size fits all” (which is kind of funny since the “once size fits all” clothing is usually FOR fat people).
Hmph - just sitting here adding things up I came to the realization that I have been dieting off and on now for over 30 years. Seriously? Thirty two years?? Unbelievable … but true.
I noticed my weight going up for the first time in the fall of 1977 - prior to this I don’t remember giving it too much thought. I do remember my brother telling me once that my name meant “cow” in Greek once when he was irritated wtih me about something. He liked to tease and did have a way of making me feel rather hefferish … but I didn’t see myself as being fat (and I wasn’t fat then) so I pretty much let his comment roll off my back. Fast forward though - to the Spring of 1977.
I had a crazy crush on a good looking 16 yr. old who had an incredible voice. We met at a Christian Camp and I was smitten. Completely smitten. That was in April and we “dated” until the day before my 14th birthday in July. When he broke up with me over the phone the night before I was to turn fourteen, I was simply heartbroken. He was a popular guy and I was the girl who had recently had braces put on (complete with head and neck gears - ha), my parents wouldn’t allow me to see the movies he wanted to see a 16 yr. old guy with a driver’s license, etc. (the movie “Rocky” was the big hit that spring). Looking back I can see I was cramping his style. But at fourteen years of age I didn’t see it this way.
On the morning of my fifteenth birthday I certainly felt like my world was ending. I felt a pain and loss that I had never felt before. I was probably grieving … but I was just a “kid” and puppy love wasn’t taken too seriously by the adults in my life.
Looking back now I see that time during the summer and on into the many months ahead was the first time I remember eating.
I continued eating. And eating. I didn’t realize it then but I guess it numbed the hurt I felt in my heart. I was embarrassed and didn’t have the type of relationship with my parents that allowed for open communication about these types of things. I had a great friend who tried to help but I was pretty much too proud to share how much I was really hurting. So — I turned to food at the age of fourteen - July 15, 1977.
Here I am, almost exactly thirty two years later, still using food inappropriately. Wow! Really? I have seriously been struggling with my weight for thirty two years??
Yep - I guess it’s true. That’s wayyy too long, isn’t it? It’s time I figure this out and move forward.
In just a few months time I had gained 30 pounds. My “normal” clothing didn’t fit anymore. I felt shy and unattractive. The following year I would start at a new school, feeling awkward, frumpy and self-conscious. Every day during lunch at the new school I would go to the snack bar and buy a bag of M&M’s and a package of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, go and sit by myself alone and read a book. Every day! I don’t think I was actually reading the book - but I can remember going to the school library often and checking out a book so I could at least look like I was busying myself and didn’t mind eating alone.
I was definitely not a popular girl like I had been at my previous school. In Jr. High I was Student Body President (never mind that it was a little tiny private school), and I was head cheerleader. I was part of the “in” crowd. At this new school I was definitely an unpopular outsider. I was really depressed.
Fast forward to the end of 11th grade. During the summer between my Junior and Senior years I got some type of flu bug and lost my appetite for a week or so. At the end of that week I decided to check the scale that my mom used in the bathroom. It was down from the last time I had checked. I figured, “Hey - this is pretty great - maybe I’ll just keep “not” eating. So I didn’t eat. My parents both worked so nobody paid much attention to what I didn’t eat. Long story short - I quit eating and started exercising. I don’t know how I came to figure out that this was a powerful method of weight loss … but when I exercised I lost MORE weight so … I exercised MORE. When I exercised MORE and ate LESS - I lost weight faster. A lot faster.
By the end of the summer I was down about 35 pounds. I was weak but I didn’t care. I looked great that fall when I had my Senior Portrait taken. I continued this non-eating lifestyle for an entire year - during which time I stopped having periods. One doctor mentioned the word “anorexia” to my parents - even back then - but it didn’t mean much of anything and I convinced my parents I was fine — never felt better. And in many ways I hadn’t felt better. Boys in school were paying a little more attention to me and I was definitely gaining my confidence back. Who cared if I felt hungry - the pay off seemed worth it.
Two days after my high school graduation I visited my brother’s church. I was looking for a college age group that was a little less conservative than the church my parents attended. That Sunday - again TWO DAYS after high school graduation, I met a guy. He was cute. He had a great voice. I kind of had my first “crush” since Jr. High. I asked my sister-in-law to introduce me and she did. Smitten. Hmmm - that was odd. I hadn’t felt that way for many years. A few weeks later this guy came over to my house to pay us a “visitation” (that’s the church-y term used when you solicit people to come to your church! ha). I could tell he thought I was cute and I definitely thought he was cute. Another “long story short” - we started dating. That summer we went with his youth group (he was their 20 yr. old youth director and I had just turned 18 yrs.) to Great America. This is where I remember eating “normally” again for the first time in more than a year. I ate that day and got sooo sick. But - I had food back in my life. I didn’t gain too much because I still exercised excessively and we went and did so many things activity wise that I postponed some of the gain. But - during our dating period there were things that happened that caused me disappointment and I started to eat again.
I realize now that I had a lot of difficulty expressing my feelings and kept many to myself back then. I ate to deal with my feelings. At one point about 3 yrs. into our relationship, I had gone from 105 pounds to 125 pounds (probably a perfect weight for my 5′3″ frame now that I look back on it) he went out to the kitchen in the house he lived in. I was attending college in a nearby town and visited the three bedroom house he shared with a roommate often. I went out to see where he had gone and found him sitting at his kitchen table. He had his bible opened and was reading it. I asked him if everything was alright and he shook his head that it was not. He told me that he was not happy with my leg size and was looking for some “spiritual advice” from God.
What? He told me my legs were too fat and he wasn’t attracted to them but was trying to become attracted to me. He was looking for some affirmation from God that it was okay to want me to have better looking legs.
For whatever the hell reason - I apologized to him. I told him I would change and that I was sorry he didn’t think I was attractive. Then I went back to my dorm and cried myself to sleep. I kind of hated him after that night but, belive it or not, we married a year later. He was a guy that was willing to date me and, after the break up in 8th grade, there hadn’t been anybody who showed much interest. I had always dreamed of becoming a wife and mom and I thought if I passed up this chance maybe another wouldn’t come along. (Ugh - sooo naive!)
He had a wandering eye … and, once computers came along, he had wandering fingers. He pastored a church and we played church well. But I hated my life with him. I loved my children but grew to despise my husband. I had the mother-in-law from hell and wanted out sooo bad.
I stopped eating again about two years after our last child was born. I lost weight quickly and started receiving a lot of attention from men. It felt good to feel attractive. I cheated on my husband and we got divorced. I started eating again.
I haven’t stopped. I went from a low of 105 pounds at one point in my life to my current 218 pounds. I have gained even more just in the last week.
Food is my comfort. Being fat is my “safety”. When you’re fat - guys don’t pay attention to you. There’s not the threat of physical harm because you aren’t attractive. You aren’t tempted to cheat because nobody knows you exist - you can just hide in the pack.
These are things I am learning as I am journaling. I am really a faithful person … but I have kicked myself so many times for my mistakes in my first marriage (not only for cheating but for marrying the jerk in the first place) … but there are so many kicks to my own self that are self-inflicted that the bruises run deep.
At some point I need to forgive myself and let it go. The past is the past. The future is what I make it.
I just don’t stop long enough to decide what I want to make it. I have a good marriage now (the one I wish I would’ve had the first time around), I have three great kids, I have a decent job, a beautiful home. I should be healthy and happy and making the most of every day. Instead, I am battling my weight on a daily basis and I think I have really damaged my metabolism with the myriads of diets I have tried. You name it - I’ve been on it through the years: Jenny Craig, Nutri-System, Medi-Fast, Slim Fast, Weight Watcher’s. But starvation always worked the fastest and that was always my fall back.
Well, now I don’t want to fall back any longer. I want to get this right. I want to make this permanent. I am seeing a counselor to work through some of these feelings but I don’t think I really have expressed them until just tonight (morning?). I do a good job appearing strong to the therapist because it is shameful to admit my mistakes of the past. But, in the words of dear ol’ Dr. Phil, “You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge.”
So there you have it. Me at almost 46 years of age. Acknowledging and getting closer all the time to change.
That is a good thing.
I’m still not sleepy but I definitely feel better.
I’ll keep you posted …
‘me’
Here’s the “skinny” (bah ha ha) on me today:
I was supposed to be down 2 pounds by tomorrow. Instead - I am up 4 pounds today. Hmph.
I have, in the past, kind of “prided myself” on being somewhat of a quippy writer … (always trying to come up with some nifty little title that is a play on words as a prelude to what the featured post will hold for the day).
Today? Not feeling so quippy. Not feeling so witty. Just feeling a little down.
I find myself wondering … WHY in the world can’t I ‘lick’ (bah ha ha) this … this … whatever it is. This … preoccupation with and addiction to food? This … obsession - constant obsession - over my weight, my appearance ~ even if/when I have reached a weight loss goal in the past … I can’t relax and enjoy it. This … day in/day out struggle with “sticking to” whatever it is I’m committing to accomplish diet wise in that moment.
I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs.
What I DO do is … I eat. And I overeat. I use food. And I abuse food. If/when I feel down … all I want to do is eat to feel better. And of course, once I eat - I do feel better. For just a “minute” … and then … well, you know the feeling after the good feeling passes. It’s that lousy “I blew it” feeling. Hmmm - I guess perhaps this is the equivalent of an addiction because it’s winning and it’s killing me emotionally in the process. Probably physically, too.
Geeeze!
I wake up every morning telling myself, “Today I am going to stick to … [fill in the blank with whatever my latest weight loss method is].” I do okay through a “breakfast” shake but come 10 am or 11 am, my resolve gets pushed aside. I just figure I’ll, “stick with it another day … right now I just need to eat.”
Then … I go to bed every evening telling myself, “Tomorrow I will do better ~ I will … [once again filling in the blank with whatever my latest weight loss method is].”
I used to be someone who was so determined, so self-disciplined … and now I have a hard time setting a goal or writing down a commitment to myself in a journal because I have let myself down so many times my ‘words’ are becoming less meaningful to even me.
Does that make any sense whatsoever?
I wouldn’t disrespect my family or my employer this much. I don’t think I would let anybody down to the extent I let myself down. What the heck??
Anyway - here I sit - disappointed in ‘moi’ - physically uncomfortable, heavier than I have ever been in my life (the only exception was during pregnancy) … and since my youngest “baby” is now 14 yrs., I can’t exactly blame this on baby weight now, can I?
The best I/we can do is keep moving forward and never give up. I’ve heard that we only fail when we stop trying and that I won’t do.
Thanks to those of you that have joined my blog and are runners in this race with me. I’m not sure how to maneuver my way through the blog-o-sphere so if I don’t respond to you it’s nothing personal … give me time and I’ll figure this forum out.
Happy “almost” Friday ~
“The King of Pop” must now bow his knee to the King of Kings.”I loved that line … so poetic. It speaks volumes to the brevity of life. (It’s not all about losing weight, is it?]
New beginnings are SOOO great!
When I came home from Hawaii and stepped on the scale I was shocked to read the numbers 225 in between my two feet. What? How could that possibly be true? Well - not only could it BE true - it WAS true. I came back to reality after that trip and worked out my 2 pounds per week weight loss graph that I wrote about last week in my online journal.
This morning I weighed in and I was 212.5 and I realize this is all a matter of perspective … that number is not close to my goal weight but … it’s down a considerable amount since we returned home on June 13! I was pleased with the accomplishment - at least I took off what was gained on vacation and that’s a start. At the very least, we MUST celebrate the accomplishments and give ourselves a pat on the back every once in a while!
I have exactly 87.5 pounds to lose if I want to achieve my goal of 125 pounds. Losing 2 pounds per week, I will reach my goal by May of 2010. If I step up the movement and pay close attention to planning meals, etc., maybe I could speed up the process a bit. I’m really not into quick fixes anymore though. I want to do what works, take my time, learn about nutrition and metabolism and make this a life change.
It’s exciting to look at the calendar and see a new day each morning. Clean slate - fresh beginning!
I heard a comedian state that he hadn’t had a bad day since the doc slapped him on the ass. I LOVED that one. I think that’s my new mantra for a while!
Make this day YOUR best! I know that’s what I’m shooting for because we’ll never have it back, you know?!
Don’t be thin
Don’t be fat
Don’t be this
Don’t be that
Just be.
Don’t look back
With regret
Don’t be fearful
Don’t fret Just BE.
Don’t dwell on
The past
The now flies
Sooo fast
Just BE.
Just BE here in
This moment
Relax
For a while
Look yourself in
The mirror
And
Simply
Just SMILE
Gaze into
Your own eyes
And LIKE
What you see.
For once
In your life
Just
Let
Yourself
BE!
Just … BE!
“It’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be!”
I am SOOOO lucky!
Anywhoooo - we had a blast … and he wanted to take photos everywhere we went. I am allergic to pictures and usually refuse to allow myself to be photographed but — I caved this time. I now have a file at home entitled “BEFORE” and in there I have any/all pics Chuck took of me in Hawaii! Now - I just need to work on the “AFTER” pics!
Along those lines — in between posts I’ve been doing some research. I’ve read some articles, read some books, researched online, e-mailed those I know who have successfully lost weight (and kept it off which is KEY!) - and I have come to a conclusion that we all already knew …
There is no trick to losing weight quickly. How I wish it were so. But alas - it is a simple equation: Eating Less + Moving More, = Weight Loss.
You don’t have to “starve” to lose weight. You do have to cut back and take in fewer calories than you expend in order to achieve weight loss.
We already know all of this, don’t we? We’ve heard it at a Weight Watcher’s meeting, we’ve read it in a book or magazine, we’ve seen it on those “Success” episodes on Oprah or Dr. Phil or The Biggest Loser, our Jenny Craig counselor told us, yada yada yada!
You cannot achieve healthy, permanent weight loss without moving more and eating better. Plain and simple.
I am at a point where I am willing to eat less, eat healthier, move more and change my self-talk … all key elements in achieving a healthier body. I am content to lose 2 pounds a week to achieve weight loss.
The time WILL pass …
So I mapped out a “2 pounds per week” calendar and I will be at my personal goal weight of 125 pounds in a little over a year. That’s not quick weight loss - on the contrary … it sounds incredibly slow to me. But - I need to take the time to work out, modify my eating habits and change my lifestyle.
Anything worth having is worth working … and waiting … for.
Here’s to new beginnings and never giving up!
I’ll keep you posted!
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